Mar 17 - At Sea

SANDY SHORE : St. Paddy was a gentleman who came from decent people. It’s the day of the green here on board Carnival Splendor… as we sail slowly on a blue, blue ocean spotting large sea life including whales, dolphins and sea turtles.

While we await the evening’s festivities I would like to fill this page with personal observation and professional (read: constructive) criticism regarding the music on board this stunning cruise liner… a floating village and captive audience of approximately 3,000 guests. I have waited to write this piece for weeks as I gather substantiated information and first hand experience.

Before I start, if I haven’t made it obvious by now in this Travel Journal, I love this ship, it’s staff and crewmembers and I have been made to feel valued by the Carnival family that I’ve met and hung out with. I’m grateful for what has truly been the trip of a lifetime around the South American continent on board MS Splendor. In addition, I am so impressed by the functionality, vision and passion that is being poured into running this super liner. Not only that, but the physicality of the vessel is stunning with world-class venues, restaurants and lounges.

Having said that, here’s the deal with what I’m perceiving as not just a ship wide issue with live and recorded music but probably cruise line wide… the ball’s been completely dropped on what is one of the most important factors in human culture and tradition. Music plays a dramatic role in the human psyche… it effects energy patterns through frequencies and let me just simplify this by saying that the lack of harmonic resonance on this ship is a huge drag and such a glaring missed opportunity.

I have gravitated to a small handful of people and places where music lives in this floating village… namely the talented singing maitre d’, Ken Byrne during his singing vignettes in the dining room and occasionally his spontaneous A cappella numbers… I also enjoy Greg the hip piano dude who sings his original music afterhours and without audience in the piano bar (sometimes when I can’t sleep I’ll sit outside the bar so that I don’t disturb him and listen to his soulful songs)… and I have fallen in love with the piano player in the Robusto Lounge (Alex) who is probably one of the most talented pianists I have ever heard in my life (and if you know me, you know that I have heard, seen and know A LOT of piano players – many very famous; several I have their phone numbers on speed dial ;-).

This gentleman plays with another one of my on board favorites, a tight Latin trio that heats it up several nights a week in the Robusto. I’ve also found that the best place to find recorded music is in the Salon, Spa and Gym. I’ve inquired and I’ve learned that the staff brings in their stuff… it’s awesome, fits the lifestyle of their piece of the ship and I offer up big props to them for completing the experience with auditory fluidity!

So that’s my on board musical world outside of my own music here at Radio 6453 (our cabin)… and thank God I had my tunes with me because I would not have survived the length of days without it given the vast musical wasteland on board.

As a side note, this blog is not about the large, nightly shows that take place in the Splendor’s enormous performing arts venue, the Spectacular Spectacular featuring a big band ensemble of musicians. I have met several of the band members and they seem like very cool guys… I’m averaging 4 to 5 hours sleep a night, so something’s gotta give and I’m not able to make room for going to the shows in between balancing the work load and leisure time. So before I continue here, let me just go on record saying that I’m not focusing this critique on the large shows, performances and big band – that’s out of my depth of experience anyway. Rather, I’m 100% focused on the lack of continuity, creativity and opportunity in regard to the live and recorded music through out the remainder of this ship’s lifestyle areas.

The first day at sea… I sat in the sun at the aft Lido pool… the back of the ship that boasts a sparkling pool, two hot tubs, a killer bar and a couple of the most popular eateries on board. It’s a great hang and a cool vibe with acoustically brilliant and perfectly placed speakers playing, are you ready, Christmas music (it was Feb 1st), the U.S. national anthem (just in rotation, not prior to or following some patriotic event), the theme of The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, the theme from The Godfather, some hideous Casio keyboard cover of a stale 1970’s hit, the Human League’s “Infatuation,” a guitar-noodling ditty… on and on it goes like this, day after day after day after day. That first day, I ran like the wind to get my iPod and I shoved my ear plugs as far as I could into my ears. From this day on I don’t leave the cabin without my iPod.

I actually broached the subject with the Hotel Director on week one, and I was told that there isn’t really supposed to be music at the aft pool and that people prefer quite here. Well, to this mix of crapola, I also prefer quite… in fact, I prefer the sound of blenders to this irritating shuffle. The aft pool has become my office from 2-6pm every afternoon and despite this supposed quiet policy, I have never, not once, heard silence here. The confused music mix plays loud and proud daily for all to unwillingly absorb… I have had several guests volunteer to me that the music mix is bizarre and agitating. I submit that this is largely to blame for a constant grumpiness that exists in the afternoon hours in this area.

Unconscious, random and unthoughtful mixes of music abound here on the Splendor. To make matters worse, the live entertainment (and I apologize in advance for the blazing guns here, but someone has to say it) is like Saturday Night Live spoofs of lounge artists. Here’s what we’re looking at in the way of musical entertainment (and I am using the word entertainment very loosely):

Beautiful Piano Music with Przemek
Dancing & Cocktails with “Just Du-et”
Guitar & Vocals with Steve

I am living in the 1970’s here and when I retire to my cabin at 11:59, when everything on this ship shuts down for the night, I expect to turn on the TV and find Charlie’s Angels or Mannix.

I am seriously concerned about this… I can’t comprehend why there is such a lack of interest, perception and consciousness from the company in regard to the emotional fulfillment that music brings to people. I know that the age demo on this cruise in particular is older… it’s a 49 day cruise, not many of us young Internet Entertainment moguls can find a way to keep their businesses afloat while sailing around South America… I understand that the average bear on board is retired. But I also know that there is music for all ages. I have enough on my laptop right now to put together several sets of music that would not only be inspirational for 9 to 90 year-olds, but also hip and sophisticated bringing up the image of the cruise line to its usual standard.

I don’t believe that this is about demographics; it’s about psychographics (meaning, the place where people live in their minds and not based on their age). Tasty traditional jazz appeals to most people… yet the ship fills the jazz club called The Cool” with Karaoke every night featuring “Karaoke Goddess Michelle.” Standard Pop vocals are extremely appealing to a wide age group, like the gems that Ken Byrne sings in the Gold Pearl dining room… I propose that Ken creates a nightly hang in the Robusto with the piano player. The dining guests adore Ken’s performances, so why not do a longer set in the Robusto following dinner and invite the dining guests over to come listen… Unless, I’m just crazy to imagine the Robusto full of people ordering cocktails as it normally sits vacant despite the fact that it’s by far, the best bar on board (possible in the world), I can’t think of a better way to encourage people to spend time and money after dinner than listening to their beloved maitre d’ singing a full set with live piano accompaniment ala Tony Bennett.

In the public areas, like the Mojito Bar, let’s think creatively and play some music that actually sounds like Mojitos… flavorful Latin guitar music like Jesse Cook, Ottmar Liebert and what about a little Bob Marley? Who doesn’t love Bob Marley? Especially when they are drinking a Mojito?! Where is the Chill Out music? I’ve looked high and low and this easily digested music genre is no where to be found in any of the venues… Chill and Lounge have been around for more than 10 years and everyone enjoys the mood it creates… how could you not? It’s relaxing and positive. On the mornings of shore excursions, how about playing some fun port-specific tunes? It’s super easy to download, so no excuses in finding Peruvian pan flute music!

The ship offers evening sushi and/or tapas nightly… it’s not even really thinking “outside the box” to suggest some smooth jazz and relaxing vocals during this time… not only would this soundtrack make people feel like hanging out, but it would in fact, create a feeling of imbibing… I’m talking about ordering cocktails… Revenue! Everyone’s interested in that these days, right??

The dead fish vibe of the musical soundtrack on this ship is flat out alarming to this music entertainment professional. Every ship in the fleet needs a musical soundtrack, from the moment you board through the moment you leave your adventure. Every nook and cranny that has a sound system is an opportunity. I expected, make that counted on, Latin music on this cruise. I was appalled by the lack of it… there’s nothing easier than to create a compilation of music so that we could have Brazilian music when sailing through Brazil (where was the Jobim and Gilberto?) and Latin music in all of its varieties when visiting Argentina, Chile, Peru… I’ve hit critical mass with disgust as we travel along the Mexican coast right now and the theme from the Godfather plays on over the speakers at the Lido pool. I would be happy with Ricky Martin at this point. Something… anything…

My favorite TV channel on board is the navigation channel. I like to know where I am and where I’m going in life… so we keep it on but muted because the music they play in the background is also mindless and peculiar. Show tunes, classical movements, hideous pop covers… I had an idea that each ship’s captain could provide their 10 current favorite CDs and these could play on shuffle on the navigation channel… more than likely it would be a variety of Italian music and other tracks… song titles and artists names could then display on the screen and annual compilations could be made available for guests to purchase in the gift shops. What a great way to get to know your captain… through his musical preferences.

Along that line of thinking… from what I’ve witnessed on board the Splendor, there are certain staffers with enormous talent that the cruise line could take full advantage of easily with their annual captive audience of millions… as many if not more than say a major market radio station or a network television show. I suggest developing and cultivating these unique talents and consider releasing their music through the cruise line in the gift shops for guests to purchase. People love these musical talents and flock to hear them sing and play (the piano bar is always full, the Latin band is a hit and they’re constantly photographing the singing maitre d’ who is on top of his craft with a rich voice that is classic and ideal for recording). The musicians win, the guests win and the cruise line profits. I’ve done the math with realistic projection, and I’m telling you that the bottom line here should not be ignored.

Recorded and live music that creates a soundtrack and provides vivid color to vacation memories is key to completing the guest experience on board Carnival’s gorgeous cruise liners. If the company would put half the energy into this as they do their stellar food & beverage service and quality, the cruise line would exponentially profit. I have a strategy for globalizing the ships lifestyle soundtracks to include localization for unique destinations and ship individuality… I’m readily available to discuss this at anytime. ~ss